Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Stage Six: Picking Up the Pace

Well friends,

It was a packed weekend of dating. I had three POF dates and one normal one thrown in for good measure. The normal one was more of a friendly coffee with someone I had known for quite some time. However, I will start from the beginning.

The first date was Saturday night. It was with a man who works for a professional cycling team and travels quite a bit. We met at a cute little Italian restaurant for dinner. We arrived at the same moment outside and my first impression was that he was cute and friendly. We went inside and were seated at a table for two by the front window. Other than a loud party of six next to us, the ambiance was perfect. I did feel a little like being on a job interview, but for the most part the conversation flowed. He asked if I would like to go out again sometime and I said yes. Nice guy, but I am not sure that I felt any real romantic connection. I am keeping an open mind.

The second date was with a musician. Our date was watching the gold medal hockey game at his house. (I don`t normally do this so I gave my friends his address just in case, and got regular texts to check up on me.) But in this circumstance breaking my other rules has come back to bite me. We had been texting non-stop for a week before the date. I had been googling him and now know his song lyrics word for word. Unfortunately, they are still playing in my head. I allowed myself to give in to the fantasy before we met. Bad idea. He was friendly and sweet. We sat on his couch watching the game, which was amazing as we all know! Canada's final gold! However, I was not nearly as successful. I felt stagnant and unable to be myself. It was difficult to have real conversation. And I wanted to! So disappointing. In the end though, it was as I had feared: He was a womanizer only interested in fun. And I am just not that kind of person. We had set an end time for the date just in case, so I went off to meet the man that I already knew for a coffee. My hopes had been dashed.

The third and final POF date was last night. We had drinks at a restaurant, and then moved onto a local pub. The conversation flowed. He was quite good-looking and we shared common interests. However, he mentioned at one point that he is not really looking for a long term relationship since he may get a job overseas in a year. Once again, I am not just looking for meaningless fun. I am truly interested in a relationship at this point. And I believe that he was a bit of a pessimist. So by the end of this date, my own optimism had fallen just a little bit.

I do believe that I have learned some hard lessons:

1) Don`t get attached to the idea of someone before you meet them. (This goes back to the rule about meeting them quickly!)

2) Keep an open mind and don`t get expectations up for what will come of the date. Think of it as net-working, or you will be frozen and unable to be yourself.

3) Try to stay positive even when things seem to be nose-diving and remain true to who you are.

I have to say that I have gotten to a point where the enthusiasm has worn off just a little. I started with higher hopes that have fallen back down to the ground now. I knew that this would be a challenging experience. However, I forgot how much of this is really left up to fate. How many people do we meet in our lives that we will truly connect with? This makes the task even more daunting and time-consuming. But if you don`t put yourself out there you risk nothing and gain nothing. I will perhaps slow down my pace and try to reset my emotions for something a bit more realistic.


  1. Way to go Miss S. for putting yourself out there. I totally agree with your last paragraph that when you risk nothing, you gain nothing. I am still optimistic for you and have not lost hope. Someone will come for you and really he is the one that is missing out because he's not meet you yet.

  2. Miss S.
    Seeing a guy when a sporting event is occurring is always a bad idea. I do however like that you had two dates that night.
    Good luck in your adventures.

  3. Miss S.,
    I used to think that dating was just like an episode of Sex and the City, fun and flirty and something to talk about over the brunch table with your girlfriends. Not so much!
    I love what you said about letting your guard down (just a tiny bit) and being optimistic. Seven months ago, I was (literally) in the exact same place, hitting up POF to see what is out there. I have also had many "interesting" experiences with that site. Just when I thought I would give up, I found (but not on POF) a wonderful man whom I would NEVER have thought of as the man for me. And it is all because I nixed the expectations and rolled with the punches. He's out there, just very well hidden. The fun part is in the finding, and (much to my surprise)the fun just keeps on coming.

  4. I find myself rooting for you as I keep reading your blog. I am excited to keep following this blog and to see where your adventures in online dating will take you. I find a lot of it seems to be about staying positive and to not be scared to get out there, some things that everyone should keep in mind when it comes to dating.

  5. Keep your chin up Miss S, good things come to those who wait. It seems you are doing exactly what you are supposed to with this adventure, you're getting out there and giving it a chance. If you never try, you'll never succeed so stay positive. How nice would it be to meet the man of your dreams with little effort?? But if it were that easy, I suppose I would have met mine too!!

  6. Miss S, I'm glad you are getting so many responses and dates from this online excursion. I understand you were a little frustrated with a couple of the dates this week but as Dawn said, good things come to those who wait. I did the online thing before and put too much hope into and got let down in the end. I gave up on it altogher and then just like everyone says along came mr. right. It just takes patience Miss S. Hang in there.

  7. Miss S, I know a thing or two about attaching yourself to someone before actually meeting them, and hunny its a bad idea, and should be avoided at all costs.

  8. You worry me going to strangers houses. Be careful. I know you left is address but please go somewhere public !

  9. I just happen to be passing by when I read your post. Nice post and keep up the good work!